Paul's Wisdom.

“I do the things I don’t want to do but the things I want to do those I don’t do.”

My heart beat quickens when I know I'm doing something wrong, lying, or gossiping. Why do we do the things we don't want to do?




Remember how I said I want to run away from high heels? I just changed my major to business.

Loving your location.

"This year doesn't have to be like every other year." I believe that.

My whole life I've had this strange desire to be a runner. I always thought it would be so cool to live in a place where I could go running in the morning on a sidewalk. I literally have visions of myself in cute workout attire running with the sun rising. And, it seems that my whole life I have been working towards becoming this "ideal sarah." Ideally, she runs and has long hair and journals every single day. Ideal Sarah eats eggs and cheerios and has a water bottle with her everywhere. This girl takes notes in class and has an ipod.

What's sad is how every day that I have failed to be that girl, I have not been happy. It's this sick, twisted thing how each time I miss a day of journaling I think I'm not good enough. I am only this particular girl if I do things consistently and with dedication. And, that ideal is what I live for. I invented her. I invented this girl that if I succeeded to be her, then I would be satisfied. Not that I don't enjoy some of those things. But I realize now how much happier I could have been all these years.

Because... I finally grew my hair out. I journal everyday. I run almost every day. I eat omelets, and love them. I even wake up early. And I'm definitely not satisfied. Something else isn't going to make this all go away... another checklist to becoming ideal isn't the answer. The only answer is Jesus and finding satisfaction and identity in Him. I know this, but why doesn't knowing this help?

What ever made long hair and cheerios better than short and hating them anyway?

the beauty is in the breakdown.

You are riding a bike, a slight hill is in view. The hill does not appear as such a large obstacle, but as you start to pedal up the slope you realize you are now having to use more force. You lean in towards the handle bars and push harder. What appeared as a small slope now reveals itself and takes more out of you than you are prepared to handle. The worst part of the whole journey is that it is longer than you planned. The crest of the hill is still a distance away.If only you could reach the peak, you know you could coast for awhile at least.

I came in to college at a steady pace. The ground was flat and there were not any large obstacles. Now, I've hit an incline. I can't stop pushing or I'll roll back down the hill. The hardest part of this journey is that I don't know when I'll hit a peak. I don't know when I'll just be able to coast. Lord, you've called me to live an uncomfortable life. I am willing Lord. Just, please, provide the strength I need to get up this hill.

For the record, I'm a full time failure.

You know me better than I know myself.

I'm a high-class screwed up mess.

You love me just because.

I'm the creation, You're the Creator.

I am imperfect, You're the Redeemer.

I'm filled with questions, You are the answer.

I am a sinner, You are my Savior.

-mandy mapes

Hallelujah.

heels are only appealing in the store.

Sometimes I go somewhere in the middle of the day just because I can. It reminds me of those days in high school where I got to leave school early. Driving away from school I would feel freedom like none other. I always felt like I was somehow beating the system. Now that I can just run out to my car and leave if I so choose it takes a bit of the daredevil aspect away; however, I still get the same thrill. It's in those moments I roll down the windows, turn the music up and go spend $1.62 on coffee even though I could totally save the money and the drive if I just made my own pot of joe like I do every other day. But why? "Life is short, put a sticker on your car."

Are you allowed to quote yourself?

I must be going through some sort of "Mid-Semester Crisis." Everything school related currently seems like death. (Minus Personal Finance at 8 am- I actually love that.) But in all seriousness, I just saw a woman at Starbucks, dressed in heels with her briefcase, and I wanted to run as fast as I could away from her. It was the most unappealing site I have seen in awhile. I want to be an Art Major... but seriously, what would I do with that? I just declared Communication Studies last week. I want to talk to people about life and go to other countries and sing worship songs.

I had an hour and a half break in between classes. I should be reading because I am definitely going to have a quiz in a few hours. What did I do? Make myself an omelet, go to Starbucks, look up what it takes to be an art major, and write this. Because honestly, if I didn't write down everything that I was thinking... I would go crazy.

"Pray for him- just the basics- his safety, his walk"



I want to do one of three things right now. Run, Paint, or Write. None of that involves going to class... shame that's what I have to do.

peace.

Diet Coke with Lime

Some things were just meant to go together.

I finally grew my hair out.

Fingernails painted. Buttons and Bandanas. Leather. A ring that means home. "My God is not dead, He's surely alive. And He's living on the inside... Roaring like a Lion!" Braided hair? No eye-liner. Definitely concealer. Ovaltine daily. Running every other. Reading. Learning. Growing. Hanging out with friends. Foreign countries. Procrastinating in some areas. Excelling in my relationship with the Most High. Ready to GO. Understanding why I'm staying. Missing a few. Staying focused. Cutting loose. Cooking omelets. Journaling. Listening to new music. Leading. Working. Maturing. Patience, patience, patience. Choosing to Love.

dance in your room

feeling it.